u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
