Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
