I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
