i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
