Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
