the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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