I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have already put on my inside pants.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
