the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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