help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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