i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Pooping to opera.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
