Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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