Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
