Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
