I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
