just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
