I faked an abortion last night.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
