Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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