Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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