More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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