I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
