if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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