i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
