i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
