just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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