There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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