It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
