why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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