dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
