You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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