I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
