I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
