Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
