I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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