At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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