So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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