nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
