I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
