First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
