I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
