Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
