I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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