Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
