I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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