Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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