I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
