In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My pussy is not your playground.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
