i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
