Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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