I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The adults are the big ones right?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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