i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
no you cant smoke seaweed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
