if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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