my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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