I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Life is so much better after having sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
