What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
