she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
