Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
that is very illegal...i love you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
