Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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